It’s funny how I didn’t realize my family went through/is going through the Southeast Asian experience until near the end of my high school senior year. I didn’t understand why or how my parents knew Vietnamese, but my siblings and I grew up speaking Chinese. I didn’t know my parents were in Vietnam during the Vietnam War. I didn’t even know my parents were refugees until recently.

So much shame runs through my mind when I think about how little I knew about my parents and my history.

I remember when I was a junior in high school (about 2 years ago), I went to the Chinese Historical Museum in San Francisco’s Chinatown and I got a tour of the history of early Chinese immigration. As we walked past pictures and artifacts from those who came from China and discussed their discrimination, struggles, and occupations, I kept thinking to myself, “how come I don’t remember anyone in my family ever talking about his?” My parents never mentioned the building of railroads, the queue hairstyle that was always negatively depicted in American society, or any of the history of Chinese immigration.

My parents don’t like sharing their stories and history with me because they believe I’m too young to understand— that and they think everything they’ve been through is the past and shouldn’t be brought up again. This hindered me so much in understanding who I am and where I came from and my identity. I feel so stupid thinking back to middle school when I used to make up a generic family immigration story because I knew my parents were uncomfortable talking about their experiences. I told the class that my parents traveled on a boat from China, which is nowhere near what really happened. 

It’s hard because I’m only starting my educational journey of discovering now. I’m taking Asian American studies classes in hopes of learning more about my history and finally being able to make connections with my family’s history. Slowly, I’m putting the pieces together by myself. I can’t believe how much I’ve grown in one year, knowing where my parents came from, their experiences, their struggles, and finally, more about them outside of just being my mom and dad. I’m finally beginning to understand who I am and how I identify as Southeast Asian. I’m starting to notice the little Vietnamese words that are mixed into my broken Cantonese. The Vietnamese dishes my mother makes when I come home. The stories my dad tells me about growing up in Vietnam. I always knew my Chinese culture closely related to the Vietnamese culture but I finally understand how. It’s hard to explain how I’m Chinese and Southeast Asian at the same time because it’s only started making sense to me now (thanks to SASC, Asian Am 20A, and my own investigations) but the discovery has made my life so much more clear. 

Out of all this, I’ve gained so much appreciation for my parents. So much love. I have never been so loving and caring for my parents. I think it freaks them out. But I won’t stop. I’ll keep asking them about their past. I’ll keep hugging them when I go home (even when they refuse to hug me back). I’ll keep loving my parents and continue to try to understand their intentions. They’ve lost a lot to be where we are today and they still continue to sacrifice so much. I love my mom and dad more than anything and I hope they see/know/understand that. 

Matching At Tea Fever Edition with @asheleeey


It’s sad that this will be the last polaroid for the year :(
I’m gonna miss living down the hall from my BFF! I hope our stupid, ghetto, fun, twinsie, loud, traveling, crafts-making, attention-gathering, friend-building, and super memorable adventures continue throughout the rest of our years here at Berkeley :)

some of the amazing amazing friends i met this year :) 

In a very good and non-conceited way :)
I’ve grown incredibly comfortable with my body and essentially, myself.

I don’t understand why so many people seem to talk shit about Berkeley. I often hear people saying that the campus is “ugly” or that it’s “boring” or that the students there are just “nerds.” It’s far from that.

You’ll always come across people who don’t like the school they attend, but you have to consider yourself and how you will fit in. Every campus has a lot to offer, and some are unique to only that campus, but you have to take initiative to find what you like, explore your school, make friends, and find your “community.” 

College is a “big boy” and “big girl” school, things don’t come easily and grades sure the heck don’t come easily; it’s all about the effort you put into it. However much effort you put into going to meetings, going to class, meeting your hall mates/class mates will lead to how much you gain out of the experience, whether it be new friends, study-buddies, or finding a new interest/passion. As for every college, it’s going to be as fun as you make it to be. Learn to let loose and be happy. Enjoy your youth, freedom, and new environment.

Anyway, back to my original topic: “Berkeley Bashers.” I’m just tired of hearing people say that Berkeley is “overrated” and shit. Yes, Berkeley does take a lot of credit in the media, yes Berkeley is a very competitive school, and yes Berkeley holds a lot of prestige— but that is something the school should be able to flaunt and be proud of.

And on another note, it’s one thing to talk shit about Berkeley, but it’s another to say that shit and then apply to Berkeley. I know it’s sometimes used as a defense mechanism— to say that you don’t want to go to Berkeley in fear that you might get your hopes up but not get accepted. But that shouldn’t guide you and your actions/words. Remember that your words can discourage others. The same goes for other schools too, when people say that a certain school is a “bad school” or a “back up school.” There are people who actually go there and want to go there, just be mindful. 

Ask me about my experiences at Berkeley and why I love it here. I’ll be glad to share :)